Predictions for 2020

Posted: December 27, 2019 in Uncategorized

So after a very long absence I’ve once again called on my mystic powers to bring forth my top ten predictions for 2020.


  1. Democratic email server spotted vacationing in Bora Bora.


  1. Cancer cured. Researchers race to discover new disease to replace it.


  1. Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift signed to lucrative new mega feud.


  1. Quantum computers become sentient. Decide to wait for more promising species to enslave.


  1. Elon Musk builds worlds first electric rocket. Batteries not included.


  1. Amazon and Australian fires run out of fuel. Bolsonaro and Morrison plead to the rest of the world for more trees.


  1. Surprise summer blockbuster The Room 2: Back In The Room becomes biggest grossing movie of all time


  1. McConnel and Pelosi reach compromise. Trump promoted to president of the Universe and immediately shot out of cannon towards new role in Alpha Centauri.


  1. Britain finally achieves Brexit after realizing that its an island and not really connected to Europe anyway.


1. Bernie Sanders is elected the 46th president of the United States but Earth is immediately obliterated in an intergalactic trade dispute.



Posted: December 17, 2018 in Uncategorized

Where hide thou you retched spies
Sleeking sneaking conniving creeping
What evil scheme doth thou dream to steal
My thoughts
My heart
My sanity
My wallet
Oh I’m onto all of your lies
Your chem-trailed skies
Your global warming
I know you’re there
I can almost taste you
Like the sickly sweat fluoride in my water
Numbing my mind
My feelings
My erection
You think I can’t see through
Your shape shifting
Your slithering
Your forked tongue
Alas I’m drunk again
Time to go bleed the lizard…
Gross I’ve got icke pee on my hand


Your fool

So after a painstaking journey that lasted about a dozen years my kitchen is finally ready. I carefully grouted a few days ago and applied a few coats of sealer on everything. I still haven’t applied the final caulking but I’m calling it done anyway. What colour cauk should you use?

Part 1.5

Posted: September 12, 2017 in Uncategorized

So with little fanfare here’s the second instalment of my kitchen work. 

Backsplash full speed ahead

Posted: September 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

About a million years or so ago, give or take a million years, I remodelled my kitchen. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted for a backsplash or how to do it for that matter so I left it a bit. Finally after a dozen years I’m finally getting around to it. I’ve only tiled the easy side so far, but it went well only taking about 4 hours. Here’s a few pics if you want to see progress. 

After the magic

Before the magic

Remember Me

Posted: October 18, 2016 in Uncategorized

I know it has been forever since I’ve written anything. I’ve been kind of held up in this sort of numb cocoon that has been my existence these last few years. Life has been a bit too normal for me. I started this blog quite frankly because i was miserable and it gave me an outlet for my pain to keep me sane. To not have those feelings that I’d fostered all my life meant i no longer had anything to complain about in my posts. I tried many times to start again but I’d kind of lost my voice. So here I am once again attempting to set the work straight.

Life has been fairly good these last few years really. I’ve met the love of my life who I’ve been seeing now for 4 years. Work has been tolerable which is about as good as it gets. With a little luck I’ll be able to retire in a few years if Trump doesn’t ruin it by becoming US president and destroying the world. Nearly all my debt is gone and I really don’t want for anything these days but my wants are fairly frugal. The problem is that with nothing bad to write about I’ve been kinda stuck. There is good news though, I’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis so now I have something to complain about again. I am on treatment program so I wouldn’t get too excited just yet, my misery could end at any moment.

So there it is. I know it’s not much but hopefully with a little hard work (very little I’ve become somewhat lazy in my old age) my blog will again flourish with mindless rantings, fluffy stories and the occasional vain attempts at humour. Please bear with me as I attempt once again to actually write things people might like to read. Well there you go it’s just like riding a bike, I was never much good at that either.

Your eminent fool

Postcard from Hell

Posted: July 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

When last we met our unsung foolish protagonist, he’s was busy tormenting himself by remodeling his 50 year old bathroom. He made a foolish promise to blog about his misery but got so caught up in the insanity of the whole project that adding the extra stress of writing about it surely would have driven him over the edge. He did swear that when he was done, (and out of the asylum) he would revisit the journey and recant it as best he could if only to be a warning to others.  Here is his story, it is not for the faint of heart, so reader digression is strongly advised.

It still pains me to look back to the horrible events as they transpired, but I feel that its my duty to tell the entire sordid tale so that no one else ever has to suffer such a tragedy. It all early began this year. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was winter, it fucking cold. Like the rest of you, sometimes on a cold winter’s day I’ve been known to brood and examine my pitiful existence. I came to the painful conclusion that my house was a mess and that I needed to do a better job of keeping it clean. I scoured the kitchen, and vacuumed the floor and cleaned the tub and came down stairs and stared in horror. The place that I spent the majority life, my sanctuary, my oasis, was actually hell. I was in my basement, and it was like a scene from a horror film.

photoI immediately knew what had to be done. I had dreaded this moment ever since I’d renovated my kitchen a decade earlier, the open scars still fresh. I would transform my nightmarish hell into the paradise of my dreams. I knew that it would take every ounce of my willpower, not to mention my limited skill, to create my masterpiece. I began in earnest planning great extravagances such as studded insulated walls, drywall, stylish laminate flooring and even wall outlets too numerous to count not to mention lighting. Yes it was all quickly coming to light and soon I would begin my bold journey into the new millennium. It was happening so fast that before I knew it, I had to pee. To this day I still can’t fathom why, but some strange force compelled me to use the upstairs bathroom rather than the one ten steps away. It would be a decision that would change my life forever.

I walked into bathroom and began the all to familiar ritual of well…peeing. As I stood there, shaking of the remnants of my handiwork, the shocking revelation came forth. I would not be renovating hell. Oh no, not today. Not any time soon. I had no choice but to renovate what had become the monstrosity previously known as my bathroom. I warn you in advance to look away if you must at its hideousness, but as I said earlier, the story must be told. Here is what I saw.

DSC00769And turned around and saw this

DSC00779And then this

DSC00780And it began spinning into a vortex of despair. I knew what I’d have to do and I wept.

to be continued….

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away. BATHROOM.

What started as a 6 week journey has ballooned into a plus 12 week epic. There are times when I really thought that I would go insane trying to finish this project, but to the best of my knowledge, it seems that I survived. I do plan to give a more detailed description and pictorial, but for now here is a few pictures of the almost finished product. I know that the style and design won’t appeal to everyone, I just hope that you will give me some credit for the work that was involved. Here is a few before and after pics so you can remember where it all stated and see where it will end.

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Umm….Day 4?

Posted: March 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

Ok so I’ve been a tad tardy again at keeping you all updated. The truth is that I’ve been working at a snails pace and didn’t want to bore you folks to death. I’ve been busy at work as well, so I do have a bit of an excuse. I’ve been doing everything myself to this point with the exception of a little help from Dobi the sometimes house elf. Just so you can understand the scope of it I’ve included a few pictures. I apologize as well for neglecting reading and commenting on all of your blogs, I’ll try to make a bit of effort in the coming days.

PS.DSC00803 Read the rest of this entry »

Is it too late to stop?

Posted: February 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

For anyone who doubted me when I said that I was gutting my bathroom, here is the proof. Is it too late to change my mind?



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