A New Mes

Posted: September 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve finally come to the realization that I need to take charge of life. I understand that I’ve been coasting for some time now which is really only possible if I’m in a downward plunge. I’m completely disorganized and require
structure in order to re-establish an upwards trajectory. I’ve decided that the only sane thing to do is to subdivide my brain into multiple personalities and assign each of them a cabinet post. This will hopefully make my life infinitely more exciting .

The first of these new postings will be the Minister Of Getting Shit Done. His job will be to take mundane  tasks and create exciting new dimensions to make them more enjoyable. He is already hard at work and has proposed a new
idea for dish washing. A new set of dishes will be constructed with pictures of hot guys on them. When placed in water, the clothes will disappear providing a most enjoyable variation on a once daunting task. Unfortunately we
have yet to determine where the incentive lies in drying them but we’re working on it.

The next appointment will be the Minister of OMFG!!!  He’s Cute. His task will be to….well just never mind what his task is, let’s just say that it is very important and he is not to be disturbed under any circumstances. He is to be my right hand man and his work will take precedence over all others. Move along now there’s nothing to see here……….Really!

Third will be the Minister Of Avoiding People I Don’t Like. His job is very complex and will require a great deal of finesse. He will devise complex strategies for social avoidance and prepare contingencies in the unlikely event that a chance encounter should occur. Should an excuse need to be made it will be crafted in such a way as to make the party feel guilty for having bothered me in the first place. No one likes it when you’re mean to people, even if they are an asshole.

Forth we have the Minister Of Making People Like Me. Unlike the Minister Of Avoiding People I Don’t Like, he will be responsible for positive image creation and social interaction. Colourful stories of my past will need to be invented and fictitious characters created to make my boring life seem vastly more interesting. Even if people think I’m full of shit, everyone likes a good story. A tolerance for alcohol is paramount to the success of this endeavour and I have asked him to begin this important work immediately.

Last is the Minister Of Talking To Cute Guys. A carefully constructed image of both coolness and shyness will need to be established to maximise my attractiveness. As it is difficult to improve my looks at this point in my life, a significant level of charm will need to be maintained at all times. In order to avoid an embarrassing conflict, communication with the Minister Of OMFG!!! He’s Cute should be avoided in all but the most promising encounters. In this situation a bridge may be erected.

In conclusion I believe this new multi dimensional me is the key to establishing a new presence. Each Minister will play an important role in creating this exciting new life. If we all do our part there is no reason we can’t successfully develop a better me. I look forward to working with all of mes.

Your Fool

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