A Letter To Conservatives

Posted: April 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

How do you convince people to give an elected majority a far-right Conservative government? Simple, lie like there’s no tomorrow. When the opposition questions your alleged fiscal austerity in wake of the exploding cost of your fighter jet purchase, tell the voters the opposition has its facts wrong. It’s alright, when the truth comes out tell them it’s the military’s fault for not keeping you informed. Want to re-criminalize abortion but you’re afraid people won’t elect you if you tell them that? Easy, promise them you won’t try to do that during your term of office. Don’t worry, all you need to do now is have one of your members introduce a private bill to achieve the same result. This way you can say you’ve kept your promise, that it wasn’t your government that brought it forward. Oh, and by the way, this should work equally well on your promise about capital punishment as well. Want to re-establish Christian ideology within the government? This one is a little more tricky, you probably shouldn’t tell people about this in advance. After you’re elected, quietly (you wouldn’t want the biased liberal media to get a hold of this) establish an office promoting Christianity in the world. Be careful though, you don’t want people to see it for what it really is. You may want to call it the Office for Religious Freedoms to confuse people of its real purpose.

Now that I’ve given you some excellent ideas on how  to win office, there’s a few things you’re going to need to do to stay there. First and foremost, you’re going to need to silence your critics. For instance, should a video emerge where you accidentally reveal your true agenda, it’s probably best to launch a legal battle to keep it off the internet. Better yet, introduce legislation to allow you to spy on internet communication in the first place. When the opposition questions your Orwellian tactics, try saying something like “Either you’re with us, or the child pornographers.” A similar tactic worked well for your Republican brothers to the south after 911, it’s worth a shot. There is a small possibility that people are not complete morons, so you might want to be careful with that one. It is probably best if you tell the people as little as possible, just to be sure.

Now that you’ve got the basics down, you should be well on your way to creating the totalitarian hell that you’ve always dreamed of. When the foundations of society begin to crumble, you can use this to your advantage. Once people begin living in fear, their natural reaction will be to blame others for the crime and ‘moral decay’. Don’t be afraid to utilize your friends in the conservative media and various religious organizations,  they are already very adept at spinning the truth and manipulating the populace. With any luck, the people won’t even realize what’s happening to them until it’s too late, and it should ensure a long and terrifying rule for you and your elite.

Good Luck.

Your Fool

PS Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. Don’t forget to destroy education, an intelligent populace is contrary to your agenda.

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