Failure to Fail

Posted: August 23, 2012 in Uncategorized
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By now with the constant barrage of back to school advertising, I’m now fairly certain that summer is just about over. I remember when I was kid there was nothing that pissed me off more than seeing ad after ad reminding me that my life was over, and summer with it. It was not even so much that I hated school, but more that I’ve always been very resistant to change. Just when I was starting to get used to the whole idea of freedom, the shackles of society were once again tightly clamped around my legs. My biggest problem was that I although I hated rules, I have a propensity to follow them. A rather cruel joke played on me by the gods. In fact if it wasn’t for all the stupid rules, I thinks I would have excelled at school more than I did.

Nothing has really changed of course, I still hate this time of year. That same feeling of doom seems to smack me every year at this time. With my holidays for the year nearly exhausted, I now have nothing to look forward to the rest of the year but the whips and scorns of time. It’s not as bad as it sounds really, as self-pity has always been one of my favourite pass times. Also, although looking forward to stuff is something that I’ve always been quite adept to, taking advantage of it when I get there is something that I’m not nearly as successful at. It’s much the same thing with dread, I’m very good at it as well. I spend endless amounts of time dreading activities that I’ve deemed unpleasant, only to find that once I’ve done them, I can never seem to find the hated for them that lead to the dread in the first place.

If I could somehow lower my expectations, both good and bad, I could probably start to enjoy this whole life thing a lot better. Feeling like I continually have to be doing stuff will always mean that I’ll be disappointed when I find out I’ve done nothing in the end. Being afraid to fail at stuff though will almost certainly lead me to the same place, so my goal for the rest of the year will be to try to fail at as many things as possible. Deep down I know that this is a goal that I will most certainly fail at. When I look back critically at my life, I can see that this is a goal that I’ve failed at over and over.

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