Fall

Posted: October 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

This fall has been particularly brutal for me. I just can’t seem to shake this shit feeling that I’ve had for weeks now. I don’t know if it’s the unseasonably cold weather, or the fact that I quit smoking, or just my mid-life crisis getting the better of me, but I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything. Even my long walks are becoming more infrequent. It seems that the more I sit around doing nothing, the more depressed I get and can’t bring myself to do anything. I just seem to be caught in this spiral and it’s paralyzing me.

The other problem that I seem to be having lately is that I’m pissing people off. I’m not even really sure why or what it is exactly that I’m doing, but lately more often then not people avoid me. I guess that people can tell that I’m feeling miserable and don’t want to be around me, or maybe I am doing things to piss them off and I just don’t realize it. I suppose that when I’m like this I tend to not want to be around me either, so I guess it’s not surprising that I’m putting others off.

I’m off until next weekend, that’s a good thing I guess but I need to find something to do or I know I’ll just feel worse. In spite of my lack of good spirits, I’m going to try writing a bit more. I know it probably doesn’t make for very good reading, so I apologize for that and will fully understand if you avoid reading it. I just need to put a few of my thoughts here to try to figure out what to do about them. Hopefully I’ll have a good day somewhere along the way and actually write something funny.

Your (depressing) Fool

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Comments
  1. barnabyd says:

    Sounds like you are in a lot of pain. It is time I think that you should get a recommendation for someone – a therapist – to at least talk to. They can seriously help and sometimes these things are not something you can handle on your own.

    • foolsmusings says:

      That’s part of the problem, it’s just another thing I can’t seem to bring myself to do even though I know I have to. I will try next week though. Thanks for caring.

  2. pinkagendist says:

    Life is tough, hence, I drink. It works for me as I can control my inebriation 😀

    • foolsmusings says:

      I prefer to drink when I’m happy. If I drink when I’m sad, I just become a snivelling sappy drunk. 😛

      • pinkagendist says:

        I drink regularly so I’m never sober enough to see a difference 😉
        I’m aiming for Mr. Ortiz-Patiño’s (the king of tin) levels of resistance. 1.5 bottles of wine, 4 whiskeys, 2 brandy’s and a couple of licquer glasses per day 😀 He’s in his late 80’s, so it’s true you can preserve things in alcohol.

        • foolsmusings says:

          He sounds like my American aunt. She’s in her late eighties too, and still drinks like a fish.

  3. yepirategunn says:

    Your role is invaluable….you make me feel like someone’s unhappier than me – the sardonic humour shines in your post by the way….dark humour at its finest..including your comment about the therapist. Get closer to nature mate. That’s what works..