Goodbye Mum

Posted: March 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

I was always a sensitive child. I can still remember clearly  a time when I was around  three years old when I briefly thought that my world had been crushed forever. My mum rarely left home except to go shopping and to church. As a widow with six children to look after, she had very little time for herself and that trip to church alone was a small escape for her. My oldest sister who was eight years older than me, was tasked with caring for me during this hour. There was a ritual that went with this abandonment, each time she would give me that reassuring goodbye hug and kiss as if to seal a contract promising her prompt safe return.

One Sunday, having slept in just a little to long, I got up to find she had already left. There was no goodbye, no hug, no kiss, she was just gone. I still remember that horrible feeling that I would never see her again. I cried fitfully for the entire hour that she was gone. My poor sister, only a child herself tried desperately to console me but to no avail. I still to this day don’t know why I had such a deep fear that she was gone but it really was traumatic enough to have left a lasting impression on my life. After the eternity of her hour long absence she returned, hugged me and kissed me, and reassured me that she wasn’t going away any time soon.

This morning, three hundred miles away, she left me again without a hug and a kiss, but this time she won’t be coming back. She passed away peacefully in her sleep after suffering a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Today I feel at the same time relief that she will no longer be living with that horrible disease, while at the same time once again feeling that sense of abandonment. She truly was a wonderful, kind loving woman and the world will be a poorer place without her. I’ll get past this as I have the loss of others in my life, but for now I can’t help but once again be that sad, lonely child.

 

Goodbye mum, I love you.

Your sad foolish son.

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Comments
  1. makagutu says:

    There are no words that I can say to make you feel better except to say it was good you felt loved that much and that is a good thing.
    Sorry for your loss mate!